Trelawney's Unwanted Advice
by ObnoxiousSpontaneousCombustion
Summary: Professor Trelawney glaringly misinterprets Ginny's boredom in Divination and gives attempts to comfort her and advise her on how men are "horrible, cruel beings who will rip your heart out and leave you behind in the dust, all alone..." Humor oneshot, no particular pairings.


"Look! Observe!" said Trelawney with a dramatic sweep of the hand, "Gaze at the balls!" A couple of boys snickered and elbowed each other, obviously highly amused by their Divination professor, but Ginny simply rolled her eyes at them and stared blankly at the crystal ball on the table in front of her. Nothing. All she could make out was the faint reflection of her eyes and nose in the polished surface. She sighed and slunk back into her chair.

"Defeatist, are we, dear?" asked Trelawney suddenly, seemingly appearing right next to her. "Don't despair; very few have the power to See their first time. I was a very rare case. Simply let the power of the gazing ball engulf you in its depths. Broaden your mind!" Ginny grumbled and mumbled something unintelligible about balls, first times and lack of sleep. Trelawney nodded sympathetically.

"Ah. I see." To Ginny's horror, the professor sat down at the stool across from her, since she didn't have a partner this class. She immediately sat up straight, getting a little bit anxious because she was sure that she probably didn't want to hear whatever the crazy old bat had to say. "My dear, it would appear that you have – well, you see, the Eye can tell what you are going through. And I must say, I am very sympathetic." Ginny just looked at her oddly, dreading whatever was coming next. Trelawney went on, oblivious.

"I'm afraid I've been through it too, as have countless other witches just like us…" The redheaded girl internally winced at being associated with her frankly nutty Divination teacher. "…and more witches just like you and I will have to endure it in the future as it is just one of those things that one cannot escape." Ginny still didn't quite know what the bug-eyed woman across from her was talking about and she didn't dare ask, so she just kept her mouth shut. Trelawney sighed and looked off into the distance, staring right through some of her students.

"You see, Guinea…"

"It's Ginny."

"Men are highly complicated creatures. Some of them are, in fact, horrible, cruel beings who will rip your heart out and leave you behind in the dust, all alone…" Ginny's eyes widened. She was beginning to understand where her professor was going with this, and she kept wondering what she'd done to make her Divination professor think she had boy problems.

"Alone, yes, but not only that: alone and brokenhearted…"

"Professor?"

"…with no hope and no will to carry on with your life…"

"Professor."

"…all dreams for the future shattered to bits in a minute…"

"Professor! I am _not_ having… boy issues." The term alone, "boy issues", made her cringe. But Trelawney just smiled patronizingly at her. Nothing infuriated Ginny more than being patronized, but she kept her cool and simply imagined turning Trelawney into a rat and then feeding her to Crookshanks.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know. In fact, when I was your age…"

"It's not that, Professor. It's just that quite frankly there is nothing to tell." Trelawney placed her bony hand on top of Ginny's and patted it lightly, as if trying to be comforting.

"Don't lie to me, dear. I can see through your sarcasm and denial." The poor girl was fuming, and had her teeth tightly clamped together to prevent herself from yelling at her professor to stop touching her. She had never felt more uncomfortable in her entire life, and that includes going bra shopping with her mother. This was just downright awkward.

"You see," continued Trelawney, obliviously stroking her mortified pupil's hand, "When I was about your age, I was, shall we say, _seeing_ this lovely young man by the name of Matthew Brimstone. He was quite tall, handsome… with beautiful eyes and a very witty sense of humor. We were in love. Or so I thought…" The professor sighed, and stared out the window. Ginny sensed this was going to be a very long talk. "He left me after a year. Can you believe it? He just left, without a warning – well, of course, I predicted it, having the gift of Sight even at such an early age, but there was nothing I could do. He just left me brokenhearted, depressed and shriveled up within myself, with no hope and no will to carry on with my life, all dreams for the future shattered to bits in a minute…" Ginny felt genuinely bad for Trelawney, but was also growing increasingly uncomfortable with discussing her professor's love life – or lack thereof.

"I haven't dated since," she said, still gazing out the window, "because nobody could quite measure up to my dear Matthew. And I was so shattered, even after I recovered, that I never quite felt the carefree confidence that I had in my youth." She turned back to Ginny. "You see, Guinea…"

"It's Ginny."

"I can tell that you are a very fragile, delicate young woman, and that…" _Delicate?_ Just when Ginny couldn't take it any more, the bell rang, announcing the end of class. She sprang to her feet, startling Trelawney out of her daydream, and snatched her bag off the floor.

"Thank you, Professor!" she called before sprinting out of the classroom.

Trelawney blinked, surprised, then smiled as her students left the room. She was so happy to have been able to advise a young, innocent girl on the cruelty of men that she had altogether forgotten about assigning dream journals to her class before they left. Satisfied, she sat herself down in her chair and stared pensively at the swinging pendulum in the back of the room.

* * *

_**A/N: So, what did you think? *dodges rotten tomatoes* Haha just kidding - or am I? :P Please review whether you liked it or not, and thanks for clicking! - SK**_


End file.
